I thought of you again today. That isn't a strange concept; I think of you almost every day. I think of the past, how I purposely broke "us", how I wish words or actions could change your mind today. Give us a chance to be something real. But that wouldn't be possible anyway, not with such a distance between. You have your own life now with plenty of dates to keep you occupied. I am stuck here, alone, lonely, trying to become something more. Someone you will want. Someone you can love.
There is not a thing I do now without a thought of you.
Someday this degree I am striving for will earn me respect and allow a financially sound future. Someday you may realize what you want is and always will be me. You see, I am different now. I can allow myself to be happy. I can help you be happy, too. All these little steps I take toward being a little more extroverted and confident are for you.
For now I must deal with your silence. That deafening silence. How I manage to concentrate with such loud silence is beyond me. What strength allows me to keep holding on I can only call Hope. How scared am I to await the day when you will pass final judgment. Will you take me or leave me? I have Hope, yet I anticipate your answer. I know I will be crushed. And that will be the end of me.
Please don't write me off just yet.
Always,
K----
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