How have you been? I imagine you've been very busy. I have been thinking of sending you an email to catch up, though I know you will be even busier ignoring it. I would rather pretend I sent it and read an imaginary response than be disappointed in an empty inbox.
There is a YouTube account I watch regularly. It is one of the few accounts I actually enjoy enough to subscribe. Better yet, the videos cover a variety of topics. I must admit, I started watching all these videos because I saw you in them, and it was like you were talking to me. Mostly it was the hair, and of course the awesomeness emanating from the screen. I remember how I felt whenever you gave me attention. How I was ever worthy to take up space in that wonderful mind of yours I will never know.
I contemplate how we started and the many places where I let you down. I try to replay the situations differently. I say what I should have said and you act accordingly. And still you love me today. It is said hindsight is 20/20. No one ever talks about the emotional impact: how ecstatic you feel that you just happened to pick the right choices, how grateful you are when a few seconds of time save you from a horrible car wreck, how hard you fall when the knowledge of today cannot change the poor decisions of the past. The phrase "Monday morning Quarterback" is based on this principle. It is easy to say what should have been done in the football game the day after. No amount of "should haves" will ever make up for what wasn't. And so it is with me, calling plays long after the game has ended. I am that Quarterback looking back to that one game, insisting to relive that moment instead of playing current games. What significance do these games hold after losing the Super Bowl?
What small victories these games are compared to losing the chance of holding the Lombardi Trophy! Why should I care about them when I will never wear that championship ring?
What point is there in other people when I have failed you?
All the Best,
K----
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