Maine Thoughts

I arrived safely at Camp Vega two days ago, moved into my permanent bunk with other staff, and await the campers arrival on Saturday. I cannot say I am excited about teaching them or dealing with them really, but it will be just something else to do. Hopefully the days will be busy and go by quickly. I am looking forward to the end of August enough that these two months are already crawling by.

I want to say that, last evening (Monday, June 20) my dog, Scout, had to be put down. His body was failing him because of old age. He could no longer stand or eat. I will always remember him scampering around the yard. That curly red-head was such a people-lover. You could not ask for a more loving dog. He was a great teacher as well. He definitely taught me that love is so much greater than hate. He had such an adventurous spirit and zest for life. No one could be around him without a smile. He is still special to me. I will always remember and love my furry little brother.

I love you, Scout.

It is time to prepare for another day of training tomorrow. Today was the camp's day off and definitely helped revitilize me.

Now I sign out in hopes of writing again soon.

'Til next time...

Summer Job

I depart tomorrow morning to drive eight hours to Maine. Why? I have been hired as a riding instructor/counselor for Camp Vega. Set on Echo Lake and surrounded by conifers, the area is picturesque. My sense of travel and adventure says "yeah let's go!" My sense of dealing with kids for lengthy periods says "I am NOT going to survive this!" Nevertheless, prevail I shall. Once August 14 rolls around I will be back in Jersey, looking forward to the next stop: vacation in Florida!

I look at these two months as being the test, a really long test, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter as the reward. Oh, how I want to be there now!

Then I am reminded all good things come in due time. One must wait. Patience is a virtue.

It sure will be at camp. It sure will be.

'Tis all for now. I do not know the extent to internet and phone capabilities at camp, so no promises to anyone as to how much I will keep in touch. Some things are out of one's control.

I hope everyone else's summers are great! And if the summer is torturous, I hope it flies by! Good luck to all. I plan on doing some good reading while I am there, if the circumstances allow.

'Til next time...

What Is Real?

In every single type of relationship I have had, whether it be friendship or more, I have felt like the description in this video. The internal fighting always follows the same basic script. Talk to person => get to know person => think person is awesome => think person is too good for me => try to convince person not to be my friend => still try to be friendly with person because person is just too awesome => send confusing signals => confuse self => end up feeling worse than before => person either becomes really good friend or someone I knew at one point in my life.

Not all relationships are built equally, and deviations from the formula are to be expected. There is one person with whom I have not had any sort of closure. He came, I messed up big time, and he left just when I would have needed him the most. That was a year and half ago. Since then we have spoken as friends, but I still feel something. Why do I feel something? I want to know for sure if that was the right path to take. He says God led him to make the decision, but for someone who does not believe that God points us in the right direction in such an obvious way (He left evidence and His Word for us to follow and free will for us to choose whether or not we want to follow) it is difficult for me to accept that as an answer. If it was not "meant to be" can I feel that way too? Why should he feel so secure and leave me at a most vulnerable time to feel even more empty? I never got closure. That is all I want - the chance for closure.

What should I do?

At the same time, there are people who stuck around. They have seen me at my best and seen me at my worst. They chose to support me. Let us pause and applaud these exceptional people. Are you applauding? Now, the problem with me is I like to know where I stand with people. Just how much of a friend do they see me as? Are they amusing me because I have the potential for a breakdown? Do they avoid me at times because I can be overbearing? Or, do they wish they could spend more time with me? Am I loved or tolerated? There are a few people with whom I share a deep connection. Then I ask myself if I am the only one who feels it. Is what I believe to be true really a facade? Perhaps I am viewing the ripples on the surface, distorting the image staring back at me.

What people are real to me? Who should I hold on to? Insecurities such as these cause me to fear love, to fear something that might not be real.

I did not intend to write any of this when I sat down to share the above link. Apparently it needed to be said. Feel free to comment.

Til next time...

Uncopyrightable

The longest non-hyphenated word in the English language that does not repeat a letter is "uncopyrightable." Recently I have found it is tied with dermatoglyphics. On the other hand, Ross Eckler in "Making the Alphabet Dance" uses the word subdermatoglyphic, which would take the cake if I knew whether or not it was an accepted word.

Dermatoglyphics: noun;

1. ( used with a plural verb) the patterns of ridges on the inner surface of the hands and feet.

2. ( used with a singular verb) the science dealing with the study of these patterns.

This all must be very boring to you.

 
The time after one graduates from college is so full of confusion for so many. Lucky for us the emotions running through this time are uncopyrightable - I am already six feet under in debt. I had plans and hopes and dreams for this post-college period. Now that they are being crushed or are diminishing I have come to a conclusion: I must make a decision based on one of two options.

Option number 1 is to hold onto these plans but get any job I can in the area. This means the horsie job I search for will be put on hold. Awesome. Option number 2 demands a breaking with all summer dreams and a temporary connection with people so I can think clearly and get that job I want, wherever it is. I do fear that option 2 may be what I end up doing, and, as a result, I will become very lonely.

You see, I fear being alone.

Option 1 is not without its good points, though. It could turn into a little break depending on the job, and a vacation to Florida would also be possible in August.

There are a few things I am leaving out. Don't worry, I leave them out for your sake. And for mine; I am falling asleep.

The job I previously mentioned is no longer in the picture. I did not want to be associated with a place that treats its horses like things rather than animals. Okay it was not THAT bad; at least they were fed.

This is it for my sleepy brain.

Til next time...

Here's a Little Something

The evening of Friday I found a surprise in the ditch - a white, lop-eared rabbit. We have rabbits in the area, but none are white, or have floppy ears, or hang out in ditches. So imagine my surprise upon the discovery. The rabbit, named Buster, will be staying with me until someone claims him/her or I take the animal to the shelter. In no way am I able to take care of a pet at this stage of my life.
Anyway, I really wanted to post some quotes I found while trashing my high school life. Here they are:

"Wait.. how many moms do I have?!" -Karina
"I'm gonna open a can of -1 on someone!" -Sra. Criado
"Sandra prepar-UH!" "PREPAR-UH!" -Sra. Criado and kid
"I'm gonna bang my head on the wall a couple times" (Pretends to hit head against door frame). "Okay, I'm back." -Sra. Criado
"There is a sacred time when everybody shuts up and Sra. Criado is talking." "Should I start praying?" -Sra. Criado and student
"How sa...mmm this cake is good." -Mom
"I'm gonna kick some butt here!" -Sra. Criado
"If you say THE pantyhose then you make it sound like the ultimate pantyhose in the world." -Sra. Criado
Finally, two wrongs make a right as was mathematically proven on 2/12/04 at 9:45am in room 145.

All the quotes, and the proof, are from my freshman year. I guess Sra. Criado said some funny things.

I am starting my job tomorrow. Actual updates on that at a later date.

Til next time...