Wake Me Up When September Ends

In case anyone was wondering, my new job is actually quite nice. I work as a groom/exercise rider and soon-to-be assistant to the head instructor for Hunter Farms in Princeton. It is a decent life; nothing glamorous or special or difficult about it. No big bucks but there is some contentment.

And it's contentment that makes me run away. I don't want to be here forever and I really don't want to be stuck here in laziness for longer than I should be.

This is also the first time in a long time that I am spending a sustained amount of time away from home that is relatively close to home. My past two summer jobs and college were not in close states. And now, I live less than an hour from home. Then I wonder, when will I consider my own place to be home, rather than the residence of my parents and the keeper of my childhood.

Princeton is a beautiful suburb. Yet, I cannot help but look around and think "I am still in New Jersey. Why am I here?" I love this state. Though I feel like it is too easy to get stuck here in this place of familiarity. Not that I know Princeton well. I am too close to home is all. Admittedly, I enjoy visiting my parents every week on my day off. But do I want to become complacent?

Any thoughts?

'Til next time...

From Maine to Florida and Back Again

Back home finally for an indeterminate amount of time. Now for myself and the one or perhaps two readers of this blog I shall backtrack the little travels I have had.

I left camp, and the beautiful state of Maine, in the afternoon of Saturday, August 13. Driving five hours brought me to the house in Rhode Island where my good friend and co-author, Lindsay, is renting a room. She is starting grad school at URI for some sort of chemistry degree. I stayed with her that night, periodically cuddling with the King Charles Spaniels, staring into their bulging, adorable eyes. Sunday morning I drove to New York state to see my best friend, Ashley. Time too-short was spent there, in the vicinity of annoying kids for a few hours until we could leave for dinner. With the freezing of my GPS, which happened earlier, I decided it would be good to stay the night in a hotel instead of driving unfamiliar roads by myself, trying to read directions and signs by unnatural light. I found out I definitely do not see as well at night in the rain. Nope, definitely not. So after the decision was made, I spent more time with Ashley (as I no longer needed to leave as early) and we went out for a drink. I am still not a drinker so mine, as usual, had to be weak - a good choice as well for I was the driver. We came back to the dorm (she works at a camp, mind you, and lives in a dorm with carpeting.. WHAT?) and I stayed there talking with her for longer than I should have. No, I rescind that statement. I stayed there just long enough, catching up even more with the type of friend I always wanted.

The next morning I drove home where I unpacked one suitcase into another while doing laundry in anticipation for the trip to Florida. The next day, or night rather, we flew out. Destination: Orlando.

The trip was magical, amazing, expensive and so worth it. I bought a few over-priced Harry Potter things. I had to stop myself from purchasing a robe and other articles to create the full affect of Hogwarts student. Though, I confess I wish I had dressed up in one and had someone take a picture. Can anyone say epic? Anyway, the mini-vacation proved to be a good getaway. Details would be too much to post here; three full days of theme parking is too much to write about for the not avid writer. Ask me about it instead.

And so I am back home. My travels are not over. On Monday I am driving back up to New York to spend the night with Ashley so we can leave for my house the next morning. I am to drive her to the airport the afternoon of Tuesday. I considered kidnapping her instead, though I do want to see her graduate college this semester.

Write back soon, somewhat. Watching Murder, She Wrote and still vegging out after returning from Florida. Now to find a job. EW!

'Til next time...

Day 1 of the Month of Travel

Ah, my last day off at this Maine camp. I am now the proud owner of a Portland, Maine t-shirt. I love that city.

And after camp...

THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER!

*ahem

Not to get ahead of myself... Currently I am trying to finagle a way to visit Ashley in New York on my way home. I should be able to leave the night before, though I do not know if I will have a place to stay the night yet. That depends on Lindsay and her peeps in RI.

I am getting more and more excited about leaving this job. Is that bad? I swear it is merely because I am super burnt-out of teaching lame lessons and constantly being surrounded by children. And being judged by whether or not I am outwardly happy. Grr. That is my response. Humbug! Seriously, I cannot work all the time with no me time, especially in a place that is not mentally healthy for me. Kids are too much for me.

So if anyone ever wondered if this awkward white girl would have children in the future, the answer remains negative. NEIN! I say, NEIN!

I bought two books today. Of course a Borders had to pop up out of nowhere while I was wandering, so I had to go inside and inevitably had to buy the discounted books. I got another by Don Miller (I bought one of his books last day off) and one by Max Lucado. Maybe I will write more about those after I read them.

'Til next time...

Ding Dong You-Know-Who's Dead!

Augusta was the destination of my day off today, the movie theater to be exact. The purpose: to complete a most epic series with the last installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. The film was absolutely epic. I may just have to see it in theaters again. Whenever something great ends I feel once again the satisfaction of the ending and an emptiness. When one is so used to the tension, the release can sometimes be less relieving than originally believed. Left is the question "What now?" followed rarely by an answer. At least not right away.

Many of us grew up with Harry Potter. I was slow coming into the series and joining the fan club. Nevertheless, it became a part of me for quite a few years. Now, with all books and movies finished, the series is over. Everything has been said and done. It is complete. Strange it should come at this time in my life when college has been finished for about two months and I must learn to stand on my own feet.

They made it through. Surely I can, too.

Right?

Buck up, Kerry. You will be fine. Everything works out for the best. =)

Moooooooose!

The most important part of this update is that I finally saw a moose. I confess it was not wild but considering my time limit and the fact I am stuck in one place pretty much all the time I did not think it to be a crime. On the 10th my parents and I used my day off as an opportunity to tour Maine. We first went to the Maine Wildlife Park, where we saw the moose, then spent more of our tourist time in Portland. I really enjoy Portland and Maine in general. I would not mind ever coming on summer vacation here. It is the winters that I wish not to experience.

Lately the weather has been hot and humid. What does that mean at a rich kids' camp on a lake? Waterfront afternoon! That's right. All afternoon activities are canceled and everyone spends that time at the lake. I, however, use it to sleep. Mmmm I love sleeping. The past two days have been like this. I am waiting for today to become one as well, for I believe the weather is supposed to remain hot. I live at a pansy camp.

There is always more to write, yet I must be going.

'Til next time...

Fourth of July in Maine?

Yes everyone, I am still alive. We have limited internet here. Either there is no time to use it or it is really slow and crappy. I happen to be using the staff computer when only two other people are in the staff room so network problems are nil! (woot) Anyway, I do not have a long time to write. I go back to work in twenty minutes and there are other things I have to do.

Camp has been fine. It is getting better actually. I do regret that it is a "rich kids' camp" and they do not appreciate the nature surrounding them. They call this camping, but they are allowed to bring ipods and decorate their area of the cabin. You should have seen the bags they pack You could fit two human bodies in one and some kids brought two to three. They had them shipped of course (imagines children dragging four dead bodies behind them). But that doesn't matter.

Tomorrow is July 4th and also my first day off since the kids arrived. I am definitely going into Portland or Augusta or just ANYWHERE that is not camp. I will return for the fireworks at camp in the evening, though. I make camp sound horrible. It really isn't. However, I do spend more time with the horses than with the kids and I do not sleep in the campers' cabins like most other counselors. Yeah, I definitely have the better deal.

That is all for now. Anyone can call or text me any time and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

'Til next time...

Maine Thoughts

I arrived safely at Camp Vega two days ago, moved into my permanent bunk with other staff, and await the campers arrival on Saturday. I cannot say I am excited about teaching them or dealing with them really, but it will be just something else to do. Hopefully the days will be busy and go by quickly. I am looking forward to the end of August enough that these two months are already crawling by.

I want to say that, last evening (Monday, June 20) my dog, Scout, had to be put down. His body was failing him because of old age. He could no longer stand or eat. I will always remember him scampering around the yard. That curly red-head was such a people-lover. You could not ask for a more loving dog. He was a great teacher as well. He definitely taught me that love is so much greater than hate. He had such an adventurous spirit and zest for life. No one could be around him without a smile. He is still special to me. I will always remember and love my furry little brother.

I love you, Scout.

It is time to prepare for another day of training tomorrow. Today was the camp's day off and definitely helped revitilize me.

Now I sign out in hopes of writing again soon.

'Til next time...

Summer Job

I depart tomorrow morning to drive eight hours to Maine. Why? I have been hired as a riding instructor/counselor for Camp Vega. Set on Echo Lake and surrounded by conifers, the area is picturesque. My sense of travel and adventure says "yeah let's go!" My sense of dealing with kids for lengthy periods says "I am NOT going to survive this!" Nevertheless, prevail I shall. Once August 14 rolls around I will be back in Jersey, looking forward to the next stop: vacation in Florida!

I look at these two months as being the test, a really long test, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter as the reward. Oh, how I want to be there now!

Then I am reminded all good things come in due time. One must wait. Patience is a virtue.

It sure will be at camp. It sure will be.

'Tis all for now. I do not know the extent to internet and phone capabilities at camp, so no promises to anyone as to how much I will keep in touch. Some things are out of one's control.

I hope everyone else's summers are great! And if the summer is torturous, I hope it flies by! Good luck to all. I plan on doing some good reading while I am there, if the circumstances allow.

'Til next time...

What Is Real?

In every single type of relationship I have had, whether it be friendship or more, I have felt like the description in this video. The internal fighting always follows the same basic script. Talk to person => get to know person => think person is awesome => think person is too good for me => try to convince person not to be my friend => still try to be friendly with person because person is just too awesome => send confusing signals => confuse self => end up feeling worse than before => person either becomes really good friend or someone I knew at one point in my life.

Not all relationships are built equally, and deviations from the formula are to be expected. There is one person with whom I have not had any sort of closure. He came, I messed up big time, and he left just when I would have needed him the most. That was a year and half ago. Since then we have spoken as friends, but I still feel something. Why do I feel something? I want to know for sure if that was the right path to take. He says God led him to make the decision, but for someone who does not believe that God points us in the right direction in such an obvious way (He left evidence and His Word for us to follow and free will for us to choose whether or not we want to follow) it is difficult for me to accept that as an answer. If it was not "meant to be" can I feel that way too? Why should he feel so secure and leave me at a most vulnerable time to feel even more empty? I never got closure. That is all I want - the chance for closure.

What should I do?

At the same time, there are people who stuck around. They have seen me at my best and seen me at my worst. They chose to support me. Let us pause and applaud these exceptional people. Are you applauding? Now, the problem with me is I like to know where I stand with people. Just how much of a friend do they see me as? Are they amusing me because I have the potential for a breakdown? Do they avoid me at times because I can be overbearing? Or, do they wish they could spend more time with me? Am I loved or tolerated? There are a few people with whom I share a deep connection. Then I ask myself if I am the only one who feels it. Is what I believe to be true really a facade? Perhaps I am viewing the ripples on the surface, distorting the image staring back at me.

What people are real to me? Who should I hold on to? Insecurities such as these cause me to fear love, to fear something that might not be real.

I did not intend to write any of this when I sat down to share the above link. Apparently it needed to be said. Feel free to comment.

Til next time...

Uncopyrightable

The longest non-hyphenated word in the English language that does not repeat a letter is "uncopyrightable." Recently I have found it is tied with dermatoglyphics. On the other hand, Ross Eckler in "Making the Alphabet Dance" uses the word subdermatoglyphic, which would take the cake if I knew whether or not it was an accepted word.

Dermatoglyphics: noun;

1. ( used with a plural verb) the patterns of ridges on the inner surface of the hands and feet.

2. ( used with a singular verb) the science dealing with the study of these patterns.

This all must be very boring to you.

 
The time after one graduates from college is so full of confusion for so many. Lucky for us the emotions running through this time are uncopyrightable - I am already six feet under in debt. I had plans and hopes and dreams for this post-college period. Now that they are being crushed or are diminishing I have come to a conclusion: I must make a decision based on one of two options.

Option number 1 is to hold onto these plans but get any job I can in the area. This means the horsie job I search for will be put on hold. Awesome. Option number 2 demands a breaking with all summer dreams and a temporary connection with people so I can think clearly and get that job I want, wherever it is. I do fear that option 2 may be what I end up doing, and, as a result, I will become very lonely.

You see, I fear being alone.

Option 1 is not without its good points, though. It could turn into a little break depending on the job, and a vacation to Florida would also be possible in August.

There are a few things I am leaving out. Don't worry, I leave them out for your sake. And for mine; I am falling asleep.

The job I previously mentioned is no longer in the picture. I did not want to be associated with a place that treats its horses like things rather than animals. Okay it was not THAT bad; at least they were fed.

This is it for my sleepy brain.

Til next time...

Here's a Little Something

The evening of Friday I found a surprise in the ditch - a white, lop-eared rabbit. We have rabbits in the area, but none are white, or have floppy ears, or hang out in ditches. So imagine my surprise upon the discovery. The rabbit, named Buster, will be staying with me until someone claims him/her or I take the animal to the shelter. In no way am I able to take care of a pet at this stage of my life.
Anyway, I really wanted to post some quotes I found while trashing my high school life. Here they are:

"Wait.. how many moms do I have?!" -Karina
"I'm gonna open a can of -1 on someone!" -Sra. Criado
"Sandra prepar-UH!" "PREPAR-UH!" -Sra. Criado and kid
"I'm gonna bang my head on the wall a couple times" (Pretends to hit head against door frame). "Okay, I'm back." -Sra. Criado
"There is a sacred time when everybody shuts up and Sra. Criado is talking." "Should I start praying?" -Sra. Criado and student
"How sa...mmm this cake is good." -Mom
"I'm gonna kick some butt here!" -Sra. Criado
"If you say THE pantyhose then you make it sound like the ultimate pantyhose in the world." -Sra. Criado
Finally, two wrongs make a right as was mathematically proven on 2/12/04 at 9:45am in room 145.

All the quotes, and the proof, are from my freshman year. I guess Sra. Criado said some funny things.

I am starting my job tomorrow. Actual updates on that at a later date.

Til next time...

Friday So Soon

It is already Friday. I feel as though my last post was ages ago, to be cliche. In reality only four days has passed.

I have been experiencing an almost overwhelming urge to play The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. This is impossible as I am sure the Nintendo 64 has found a cushy home in my brother's apartment in Chicago. (Cue my downstairs trek to double check the imminent disappearance). Well it seems I was wrong. The game system is safe and sound here at home. The game, however, is not. My best guess is that he has a way of playing the games through the Wii or someone else's system. Safe move. But now I am upset.

I have decided I need to work out and stop drinking so much soda. In about another month I will be saying the exact same thing.

Speaking of the future reminds me to mention the job interview I have on Tuesday morning. I will be driving an hour to Seaton Hackney Stables in Morristown sometime in the morning to talk about whether or not I can take on the job of Assistant Barn Manager. Or whatever it is we will be doing in the interview. What do people do in interviews? I have never had a normal one.

In any case, I am hungry. I will go now and fulfill the requirement of food.

Til next time...

(Title)

When it comes to writing what I have been doing lately, I find myself suddenly unmotivated to write anything. My theory is that these days leave much to be desired – brought about either by boredom or the lack of anything special. I deem both as the culprits. Let’s see what you think.

In general, a typical day will wake me at random from any point during the seven to ten o’ clock hours. Upon finally arising, the bathroom is stop number one, then the computer in the living room, traveling with a bored half-attempt of finding food in the refrigerator, ending under the salmon-colored comforter on the couch. At this point the TV becomes prime focus, playing out the lives in a chosen movie or, of course, of the various characters of House. Later in the day the channel migrates to the Disney Channel when one of three shows is on, but that is a different subject. And so, I basically do nothing every single day.

Strangely, I feel the need to defend my inactivity. Surely there is SOMETHING I do from day to day. Okay, every day may not see the progress in my room or the garage, but I am, as it were, unpacking from college. Still. I simply have no where to put it all! If you have seen my room you would know why. At the moment I have boxes piled in the garage until I make room for the belongings in my bedroom. Literally, I have to make room. I found this to only be possible by discarding things. As I am sure none of my readers know, for why would you, I am terrible at throwing anything out, or giving it away, or anything of the sort. I hold onto stuff worse than a packrat. There are moments, however, such as this one, when I see the reason behind saying goodbye to old things. Sometimes it doesn’t work when the hobo living in your front yard refuses to leave. In any case, you’ve heard the term "spring cleaning." Having too much crap and needing to reorganize my life after college is the perfect excuse to finally take part in the ceremony. For me it is a very slow-going ceremony. Lasts weeks.

On the other hand, other than attempting productivity at home, I have been on the hunt for a job. If my job hunting skills were necessary for survival I would be dead by now. In all seriousness, I landed a part-time, maybe full-time, position working as a groom for the Chapots. Work is one hour from home, making for a two-hour commute. If I am working there multiple days in a row I can stay at the house on the property with the other grooms. Actually, I can stay there for the duration that I have the job, but I am also riding ponies and horses for my instructor I had through high school. That requires living at home. I am waiting for word from the Chapots for days I can work again; I only had four trial days so far and they wanted to know if I was interested in full time work. My affirmative reply has not yet garnered a response. We shall see. Anyone else dislike waiting?

Some random stuff I meant to blog about: some of my graduation gifts from my mom included a bucket, double-ended snap, and leather halter. My dad got me two bobble head horses for the car. On top of that, if I am around at the end of July or in August, a trip to Universal Studios/Wizarding World of Harry Potter has been promised! If I cannot go, I get the value of $900. I want to go. I also want to know my future so I can decisively say "I am going!".. or not. Seems I dislike uncertainty as well. But that is life, isn’t it?

There is still so much more I wanted to write. For now I will wait to type anything else. What has been happening in the lives of my friends? Anyone willing to divulge?

Til next time...

Just an Update

Upon scrolling through OMG Facts I came across a piece of trivia worthy of a gasp. The common pronunciation of the name of beloved children's author, Dr. Seuss, is completely wrong. The Americanized pronunciation of "Soos" sounds nothing like the actual pronunciation of "Soice." Although I must admit, I prefer the sound we all grew up with.

Time for a quick update: I am currently working part-time as a groom for the Chapot's - a family well-known on the showjumping circuit and no stranger to the Olympics. They are friendly and accommodating, and the job is low-key. Yesterday I rode Umber under the supervision of Frank Chapot and shared the indoor with Laura Chapot. I still have not seen Gemini, the clone of famous Gem Twist, as he is still out breeding to mares. I wonder if he will be back while I am working there. At the moment I am searching for a full-time job somewhere. Hey, at least I get to add this job to my resume in the meantime!

Time to finish these thank you notes, shower, play Scrabble con mi madre y sleep in tomorrow! I love not having to wake at 5:30 to drive an hour to work. Mmmm the simple pleasures in life.

Til next time...

What Now?

I am less than a week old in my post-college graduate years.

So when do I go back to school?

Okay. I admit it. This is scary. Everyone is thinking it and this might be stating the obvious. The real world, full of responsibilities, pressures, loss, gain, constant change, is a place I had mentally been putting off being a member of. (Ew, I just ended a sentence with a preposition). Though, the scariest part would have to be the uncertainty of whether or not I will ever see those who I have come to love. In case any of you did not already know, my wannabe standoffish persona hides a deep connection to people. Without those people, those rocks, I tend to fall apart. Two nights ago saw a freak out moment. On the plus side, looking to the future now seems to be decorated with random streetlights - the kind that turn on and off as they see fit - instead of shrouded in complete darkness. Is that a little cynical? I have been watching House for a few hours. Fine, you caught me, more than a few hours.

Time to get a job, and get off this blog.

Til next time...

What Now?

Here is the beginning of my life as a college graduate.

So when do I go back to school?

I admit imagining life now is scary. I had a bit of a freak out moment last night. Truth is, when I love something or someone so much I have a difficult time adjusting to a period without them. And I will continue sappy ranting later when I have the time but right now... off to the bank! then CVS! then Prestige Riding Academy! and finally the movies!

Til next time...